as most of you know, I was serving in the Worship Team as vocalist for quite some times now, one of the veterans actually (old generation if you were to call it). sometimes the Lord speaks during the P&W time, sometimes the Lord brings me to see myself deeper, or even to show me about myself, to remind me something by seeing how others worship Him. sometimes, i was pretty encouraged by brothers and sisters who 'enjoying' their 'worship', how real God is to them when they praise and adore Him, sometimes i can see tears in their eyes as they sing their hearts out to the Lord, as they raised up their hands in surrender and thanksgiving... of coz sometimes i couldnt deny, i got pretty discouraged by those who were busy talking during P&W, busy SMS, busy chewing gums, folding arms as if they were watching a performance. (yes!! i know i shouldnt as i suppose to worship Him too, still i see some are like that, maybe even myself)

Yesterday, while i was 'serving' and worshipping, as usual i saw different people with different attitudes of worship. there was this particular person that i've observed for a long time, the first time *he came for worship services, i can tell *he was really enjoying and worshipping the Lord (of coz who are me to judge, but tat's how i'm interpreting), i used to see *him worship and encouraged by the way *he worship, but recently, as the days go by, it was not like tat anymore, *he was quiet most of the time, *he was not in the 'mood' of worshipping, *he was as if fulfilling his duty to attend church. *he was as if angry with God, or disappointed with Him, and that got me began to wonder..

is the Music too loud??
the singers were bad???

not *his favourite songs??

is *he tired of the songs we sing??

is it *him? or Him??

where was the Joy of worshipping like before??

i was struggling within me with all these questions.. as i felt that maybe the Lord was saying something... maybe i am seeing myself in *him.

i have to admit, not all the songs we sing every weekends are my favourite songs, some songs are really hard to sing, some songs i felt that we sang too many times. some songs the rythm just doesnt seem right.. yet i sing, bcos i have to. so i began to evaluate myself, asking myself all possible questions.. about my serving.. my worship unto the Lord.. my relationship with the One i worship. as how sad i saw this *brother, that is how sad i see myself.

is worship just a mere 'singing'???

without right music, right singer, right tune, right timing,
right energy, right mood... we can't 'worship'?

the Web defined it as below:

worship is idolize
(love unquestioningly and uncritically or to excess; venerate as an idol);

worship is showing devotion to (a deity);

worship is adoration; surrender;

worship is giving up everything, just to spend time with ONE person.

again, it all depends who we choose to worship. as Christians, we know it is God Himself.

i believe God has once again reminded me, and shouting it out to me 'Yea!! that what I mean!!' it is just the 'human' me taking all excuses not to focus on Him. forgive me Lord.

yes i have to agree, it is not easy, when something went wrong.. but that 'something' should not deprive us from worshipping. there should not be any other 'excuses' anymore for not worshipping the Lord.