Sunday, September 28, 2008 @ 2:40 PM
I Should Not be Defeated!!
It has been a week of silent. As I’ve been faithfully reporting myself at the Blood bank for my BP Test since Tuesday to Friday morning.
The four days of result on my BP was not really encouraging, in fact, to certain people, they think is ‘worrying’ or rather ‘alarming’.. to be honest, I felt discouraged and defeated.
That’s the struggles I’m facing every morning and evening. The battle between FAITH and FEAR.. HOPE and REALITY…
Just like the saying…‘it is easier to be said than done’… in fact it is so easy to tell one patient that ‘have faith in God’, ‘Relax’, ‘No worries..God is in control’ .. but when you are facing it.. there is where the REAL battle begins.. or that is the time you have to really ‘eat’ back your own words… hehe.. for once I was like a hypocrite.. for not living as a Promised People of God. Fear begins to creep in.. as if telling me to prepare for the worse.. what if you are not healed? What if is not just your BP? What if is something cancerous? What if is a tumor? What if? Could it be a punishment from God? (wow.. I sound like a Jew during the time of Jesus.. haha).. so many ‘what if-s’, so many ‘could it be-s’..
Deep down, as a people of promise, I know I shouldn’t let fear creeping in.. the nurse who attended me for the past 4 days indeed really really helpful.. but every time she sees from the monitor or hears through the stethoscope, her reveals her worry for me.. haiz.. I can tell by her face.. when I see people surrounding me began to worry about me.. that is where the fear creeping in… haiz.. not that I dun wan you to care for me.. in fact.. I felt so lonely by battling it by myself. But one thing I know.. I still have a God that will never leave me.. and I’m going to remind myself again and again.. that I cannot let all these to bother me. For now.. let’s eat healthily.
After much prayer and thoughts, decided to go on low sodium-high fiber diet for the coming week, sounds like on diet.. not for the size but rather for the health..that’s also mean that I will not be able to go Raya visitings, then the coming week, going to see Doc for the full blood test.. meantime claiming healing and proclaim victory!
Do pray with me.. for I cant battle myself without you. :-)
Still got so much to do:
1. Battling with my fear and worries.. burying them so that I can see the light on the other end.
2. My assignments of coz.. both reading and written assignments.. really killing me and blurring my thinking.. and of coz stressing me up!
3. My BK classes.. Haven’t really sit down and plan, and the due date is coming, and I can’t even think right!
4. another course to take, Understanding the Old Testament, really under pressure!
5. Christmas is coming.. what to have? What to share? What to give? What to do?
I do feel pressurized, I dunno how.. I know I need commit it all unto the Lord, yet I still feel the same.. I guess I’ve taken it back from the Lord, aiyo.. I cant help but pressure.. haiz,… so, I think that’s my problem lor..
One of you routs a thousand, because the LORD your God fights for you, just as he promised .
If my God is for me, tell me who can be against me?! Amen!
used to be quiet..but now QUIET NO MORE..
loving people.. specially da Youthzz..
not forgeting Jagung(sweet corn)too..
working for God..
working for the people..specially da Youthzz..
totz of wat I wish for my Blog..
be A place ..
* to give Glory to God;
* to know me MORE
* to learn wat i've gone thru
* for encouragementz & funz
* for precious momentz
* to inspire others
* to express myself, my inner totz
... and you tell me..
"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek HIm in His temple."
~ Psalm 27:4
since june 01, 2008
Samantha Low :)