Saturday, August 30, 2008 @ 5:34 PM
最近比较烦, Frustrated!



to my non-chinese readers, SORRY.. decided to use chinese for today’s blog, besides giving varieties, I felt that at times, using Chinese, it helps me to express more.

歌仔都有的唱,“最近比较烦,比较烦,比较烦”

那你问我, ‘烦什么?’
我也不知道,烦这样,烦那样,烦有的,烦没有的,烦过去的,烦未来的,反正觉得烦就是了。烦工作,烦读书,烦功课,烦事奉,一些不方便说的,一些说了也没有用的,一些根本都不需要去想的也一起烦。。真的是烦死人了!越写越烦。气!
我这几个晚上都没得好好入睡,我有试着不去烦啊,想一些不烦的事,可是想来想去,到头来还是烦!当我深入的想一想,反而觉得我所烦的就是不知道自己在烦什么,矛盾!真是自讨苦吃。。嗨!所以咯。。是几烦一下的!

那天星期四晚上小组,当敬拜赞美时,一位组员说,我们当中有重担的要把一切交托以神,神要我们完全的相信他。我倒觉得,神当时在和我说话。
神:‘ivy, 你到底要烦多久?你到底在烦什么?’
我:‘神你不知道吗?你难道也不明白吗?我心所想的,所求的,所烦的,你都不晓得吗?’
神:‘我知道呀!我听到啊!你不是已经交托给我了吗?你忘记我在掌权了吗?那你还要烦多久呢?你要我怎么做?’
我:‘我。。我不知道,我知道你掌权,知道一切都瞒不过你,也知道如果没有你我会死得更惨,我知道你的计划更美好,所以我很想很想放手,试着去放手,可是为什么它一直一直的在烦我,要我花那么多心思,费那么多力气,给了希望,失望也很快,我也知道,这可能不是很好的选择,可是我又不舍得放弃。我真的真的很烦。神,我累了,我放弃了,从新交给你吧,救救我吧!’
那时,眼眶里满了眼泪,慢慢流了。。我深知神在安慰我,神说,他也知道‘放手’是不容易的,‘完全的交托’也需要很大的勇气。可是他希望在我里面能看到的是‘信心’,看到的是他的心。

虽然这两三天里,我努力的不去想,也试着把一却交托,我承认,很多时我在逃避,可是我也很感谢神,应为他从不离开我,总在我身旁不让我一个人去面对这一切。
虽然很难!很难!我也得的放手,只应为我神掌权!
谢谢你神!爱你,爱你,再爱你!

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used to be quiet..but now QUIET NO MORE..

loving God..
loving people.. specially da Youthzz..
not forgeting Jagung(sweet corn)too..
working for God..
working for the people..specially da Youthzz..
Wanderer..
Thinker..
Wonderer..
DayDreamer..


thoughts

totz of wat I wish for my Blog..
be A place ..

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... and you tell me..


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"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek HIm in His temple."
~ Psalm 27:4


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